Vince Lombardi
“There is no room for second place. I have finished second twice…and I never want to finish second again…It is, and always has been, an American zeal to be first in anything we do and to win and to win and to win.” — Vince Lombardi
Many, if not most, trial lawyers have such a deep-seated fear of losing that it becomes almost impossible to acknowledge that emotion. It is a dark shadow within us that we don’t want to face. The fear of losing is really the fear of failure. And failure is embarrassing and shameful. It brings up childhood memories that are often too overwhelming to face.
How Do We Feel When We Lose?
Angry, shamed, and resentful—all negative emotions that we want to put behind us as quickly as possible. Sometimes we deal with our failures by drinking excessively, throwing ourselves into work, taking our feelings out on others, or by withdrawing emotionally. A loss can make us feel our lives are failures. Depression can soon follow with all its attendant problems.
High Depression and Suicide Rates
High depression and suicide rates among lawyers are due, in part, to the terrific pressure put on us by our own fear of failure and our reaction to losing. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, in his fireside chats during World War II, told the nation that the only thing we have to rear is fear itself. He was right. Fear paralyzes us. It makes us timid and uncertain of our actions. A true trial lawyer is not timid or uncertain.
Defeat is Not Failure
If we approach our cases with courage and do our best to overcome our fears, we are of to a good start. However, we must be prepared to lose. And when we lose, we must recognize that it is not defeat that makes us fail.
Our refusal to see the defeat as a necessary part of learning about success makes us fail. There can be no success without failure. There can be no wins without losses. They are two sides of the same coin. We must learn from our losses.
